Day Three: Expectation

Read Day One:Betrayed here.
Read Day Two:Grief here.  

On day one, I began with a disclaimer: I am not writing fluff here. If you want to stop reading, you have my permission at anytime. That disclaimer still holds true.  I have felt a release in my heart to let the words flow on paper so to speak, and so I have. Today will be no different.

It is day three.

I began my reading this morning in Matthew 28. I did not anticipate the direction the Lord would take me. I had other ideas of where I thought I was going but the Lord redirected the gps. The final destination will be the same. I'm just taking a little different route to get there.

It is the day after, the day after. It is no longer the Sabbath and some particular people are a little more than ready to head to the tomb where Jesus' body had been laid. I don't think this was done with a bounce in their step. The grief they had felt the day after was worse today. It was, in my imagination, a trek full of muffled sobs and tear stained cheeks. I doubt cheery comments about the weather were being discussed. These ladies, Mary Magdalene and Mary the mother of James needed closure to this nightmare.(I can relate.) They did not even get to say good bye. (That sounds all too familiar.) And so they were up and ready at the break of dawn, carrying their prepared spices to anoint the body of Jesus.

What happened when they arrived at the tomb is mind blowing. I think sometimes when we read familiar passages of Scripture we forget to pay attention to the details so, I am going to let the gospel of Matthew tell us again just how it went down when these ladie's dusty feet reached their destination.

"There was a violent earthquake, for an angel of the Lord came down from heaven and, going to the tomb, rolled back the stone and sat on it."

An earthquake? An angel descending? Pretty amazing. Only I don't think it felt amazing to these women. After all, they had just been through two days of turmoil that involved a different earthquake and very strange things happening like tombs opening up and the dead coming to life (See Matthew 27:51-53).Their emotions were already worn so thin that this probably just about put them over the edge. It is no wonder the angel had to say to them "do not be afraid" because they were. But the angel of the Lord also brought them the best news they had heard in three days.

"He is not here; he has risen, just as he said."

This is the Easter story. Our whole reason for today is because on the third day, He arose. It was a promise the disciples and those close to Him had heard prior to his death but only now was sinking in. It changed lives forever. Theirs and ours.  

The angel continued on saying,

"He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him. Now I have told you."

I noticed in my Bible that I had written these words next to that Scripture...

"Now I have told you." The truth.

And a little farther down, I had written this...

"And this story has been widely circulated among the Jews to this very day." The lies.

In the absence of truth, great stories begin.

That is what happened after the death and resurrection of Jesus. The Pharisees were all but beside themselves when they heard what had happened to Jesus. They did not want people to know the truth so they created a story. Scripture uses phrases like, "devised a plan," "you are to say". You know... the kind of things we say when we need to manipulate a situation to our benefit. And it worked. Because that is the story that was circulated and pretty soon when you hear a lie long enough you think it is truth.

I am treading really dangerous waters here, I know, so I am going to try and be as careful as I can. It is not my intention to stir the pot. I just want you to hear me on this.

If the truth, of a situation, will bring about an undesired result, sometimes, we devise plans, to manipulate the situation.

It is grammatically unnecessary to use all those commas in that statement but I did it purposely for emphasis. And I am going to say it again.

 If the truth, of a situation, will bring about an undesired result, sometimes, we devise plans, to manipulate the situation.

You ask me how I know? I just do. I have been in the middle of it all. I know the truth. After all, I am one of the lead characters in this drama.

That is the little detour that I did not plan to go on. And I wonder why the Lord brought me this way? I think because this is my catharsis. I need to get it out. It has been more than a year of so much pain...so, so much. I don't even know how to put it into words. All I know is in the absence of truth pain has festered. Like a splinter shoved deep into your skin. The longer it stays, the more infected it becomes. You can try all the topical treatments available but if the splinter is not removed, healing will never happen.

There may just have to be some digging deep. It may take a strong Light and a sharp needle but it can be done. And it must be done. In Christ and because we are Christ to this world. Division among the believers is the enemy's idea. Not God's. Plastic people don't make real impressions. And, can I share something with you? I have had people on the perimeter of my life let's say, who I hardly know, that have shared in my sorrow and shown more compassion to me and our family than those who, in Christ, did life with me just not too much more than a year ago. 

How can this be? I will go to my grave screaming this injustice because it is NOT the heart of God at all. If we cannot learn to handle the falling of a brother in Christ with grace and mercy and work through the pain and suffering together, how can we offer it to the world? We can't. Plain and simple you are lying to yourself if you believe that story. 

It is my heart's cry. Where are the warriors? Who sends someone out to battle alone? And in the name of Jesus on top of it. It is time to awaken to the enemies tactics and call him on it. The fight is on and we are not very impressive. I will not. I will not live a life without love. Period. It is hard and I don't do it right most of the time but I will die trying. I want mercy and grace to flow from my life like syrup. Thick and sugary.

Oh dear Jesus. Help me to be like You. I want to be like You. I don't just want to speak all kinds of words that sound good. I want to Live. Your. Word. 

Jesus told the truth. He told the disciples and many others that He would be raised on the third day and He was. They may have been confused at first but in the end it all made sense. That is what I am hoping for too.

And so I wait in expectation. I am certain of one thing. God spoke a promise to me. I may not understand now, but I will someday. Have I wondered if I heard correctly? For sure. Have I dismissed it? Many times. Do I have complete revelation? Probably not. I only know that His Word is true and that is what I live for.

And... 


I live for the ones I love more than anyone on this earth. 

My children. Elise. Ross. Christiana. Corbin. I could not have made it this past year without their love and obedient hearts to the Lord to forgive and live a life of love. They are amazing. Really. They have fought and cried and believed and prayed and encouraged and loved. Loved. And loved some more. I may not see the promise that I believe the Lord has given me in my lifetime, but with hearts like my children have, I don't doubt that God will bring about something beyond what I can imagine in their's. I love them so much.

Thank you for taking this journey with me and your sweet comments of love and care. It has helped more than you can imagine.