Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Just thinkin...again

I'm just thinkin that I need to find some things to blog about. Then I thought, I could blog about life. Just plain old life.

This morning I slept until I woke up. I didn't set the alarm. That is somewhat of a first for me. I have always been such an early morning my alarm of course. And until lately, it never was really hard to get up to the blaring noise that is a little more than annoying to me now. It took me a few months to realize that I no longer have young children who need my attention in the morning. I no longer homeschool. I rarely have early morning appointments. I am free. Free to spend my entire morning doing as I wish. But this has taken me a while to grasp so I kept setting my alarm and trying to get out of bed so I could have some alone time before everything gets going in the morning. But...I have the whole morning to be alone so now I can sleep a little longer. And so this morning, I woke up at 6:38 am all by myself. I watched Fox news for a few minutes too. That in itself is so funny because I am all about quiet in the morning. No noise. Period. I am so weird.

I am so glad I am 43 years old and realize how silly I have been. Somewhere, in the midst of all the craziness of raising four beautiful children, I took to being very self consumed and making everyone succomb to my ways. No tv in the morning. Don't talk to me until I have had time alone. Get out of bed early. Now I have so much time that I wish I could take it all back and try again. Be at peace. Drink coffee with them not away from them. Laugh. Hold them. Encourage them. Enjoy them.

Life just happens and before you know it, there is nothing you can do about it.

Is it ok to be so honest? Regrets and hurts in the past can be powerful debilitators. The bottom line is I can't go back.

I am slowly changing because if I continue to allow these hurts to rob me of my present, I will look back again and think why didn't you enjoy it then. And so I sleep. I watch the news. I sit. I talk. I make breakfast for them.

Is it ever too late to be the person you want to be?


joe said...

It is never to late to be or become, the person you want to be. I, for one, believe you are an amazing person. You are dedicated and strong; clear-minded and determined. You have made a wonderful home and life for our children and cntinue to look for ways to make all things good. I love you- I cherish you...I am so glad God has given us life together.

j said...

I cannot believe my comment didn't make it...have you seen it??

Jeanie said...

It was that I recently read: It is never too late to become the person you were meant to be." That gives me such hope (and I am waaaaaay older tha you)!!

Robin-thank-you for your honesty here. This transparency will set people free.

WOMEN-lighten up, for the love of Pete! It passes quickly. Don't freak out so much. Take it from some one who knows!